Quotes from Christmas - my family do make me laugh

'...ready, set, moot!' Dad

'to moot... I moot, you moot, he moots, she moots, we mooted, they will moot.' Dad

*noise* 'That was my toes!' Dad
'Don't do that to your new slippers!' Mum

'Can I have a 16 ounce turkey.' lil bro
'Well, what's the one bigger than ounce then?!' lil bro

'...it's just lazy' Dad (referring to his snail)

'I've been Christmassified!' lil bro

'...but if you have one of the chocolate ones you'll need a bag.' Nan

'If you want a sore nose, stick a garlic tablet up it.' Grandad (tried and tested)

'Don't wear him out!' lil bro

'I'm informed by reliable sources that that's my wife!' Grandad (they've only known each other 60 years...)

And, on the packet that a pen came in:
Explain
1. The Product is used in the material approbated by international and according with the standard of enviroanmental conservation safety.
2. The product can not be eaten and it can't be pressed and plucked emphatically.