Flippin' bugs

They should be banned. Can't this coalition government do something useful and pass a law making it illegal for bugs to enter homes without permission? I mean, I can't just happily wander into anyone's bathroom...

There are many different types of bugs. I can cope with spiders (as long as they aren't too big) and a 'just ignore them' attitude works quite well as they soon trundle off. The sad news however is that the friendly spider who shared my living room (with permission) was found dead last week. Obviously I need more flies.

Then there are bugs with large families. One on its own is ok, but when they bring the whole clan it's just a bit overwhelming. I'm a little sensitive on this topic since we lost the war with the ants. They were most definitely not invited.

Type of bug no. 3 is what I term '3D bugs'. These are presumptive little fellows who are not content with sticking to the walls/floor and think it's their right to own the airspace too. Things like moths and daddy longlegs. Yet they're not too hard to deal with as they're gullible little suckers and can easily be tempted out of the room I want to be in by making it dark and leaving a nice bright light on elsewhere. (Ok, perhaps that's not 'dealing' with them so much as shifting the problem...).

Now obviously this post was prompted by something. I don't just go on ranting about bugs for no reason. I recently encountered a creepy trickster of a bug, who I have to confess ended up the worse for wear. I saw one or two of these in Cambridge. Horrible slippery things with great long feathery whiskers. And last night as I went to brush my teeth one slithered across the bathroom floor at full speed. Yuk yuk yuk. Any bug that is able to squeeze out from in between the glass and the card underneath it doesn't deserve to live. I was not impressed at the suggestion from my husband-to-be that if it was a Yorkshire bug it might be friendly and I should offer it some tea. It's alright for him, it's not his bathroom that he wants to turn into a bugs' tea room. May the fate of this pioneering bug be a reminder to all bugs who so presume to be able to stride into my house uninvited that they are most definitely not welcome.

Event 43: 479 miles

I've arrived. I left behind the work restructures and redundancies, the freezing living room and the building site I called home and have gained a whole house to myself, full of boxes waiting to be unpacked. After a week of packing, painstakingly packaging up all my treasured belongings (of which, I have decided, I have far too many) and carefully stacking boxes, the last thing I feel like doing is emptying them all again. I might as well make the packing worth it and leave things boxed up for a while...

I have 7 new friends. There's Naomi, who popped round to see me on Monday with baby George, and her husband Richard. There's Nigel the vicar and his wife Amanda. Then there's Katy, Mitch and Mitch's girlfriend Emily who doesn't live in Hull but comes to visit quite a bit. They are all very lovely and I have been invited to dinner 3 times in the last week so I'm doing very well! 8 days in and I think it's going to be ok. Despite what the south says, the north is actually very nice :-)

A massive thank you to my wonderful parents for travelling half way round the country in a van to get me up here. 479 miles of love and devotion to their daughter (repaid with a plate of pasta, a cup of tea and a biscuit).

Event 42: For the sake of the gospel...

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."


Well, 2010 ended and 2011 has begun. It's always exciting at the beginning of a new year as you anticipate what it will have in store.

I think I would summarise the last 2 years as:

2009 - FAITH - A year where I thought things couldn't get any worse, until they did. But God kept me safe.

2010 - HOPE - It had to be better than 2009, and God makes the impossible possible

and

2011 - LOVE - I'm getting married :)


So, in two weeks time I'm moving North. People keep asking me, why would anyone choose to move from Cambridge to Hull? Well, I'm going because there are people up there who need to hear the gospel and surprisingly few willing and able Christians to teach it. As I follow God into marriage and into his service in the North, I know that I will be more than rewarded for any costs I bear now, as I leave dear friends behind.

2010 quotes

All these new years. I can't keep up. Tony

I need someone to eat me help it. Bro
I'll eat you help it. Laura

I'm going to do us eggs in little otters' swimming hats! Mum

Thank you for the games of settlers with cataah and emergency scrabble. Dad

Everyone needs a colin for the bus journey home. Lizzie (she was right, I was very grateful for my Colin)

A toast, to Alison and Martin.
Eugh, it's 'orrible! Adrian (very loudly)

Ha ha! 'e don't like it either! Adrian

If I were to act my shoe size, I'd have to grow up a bit. Dom

When trying to work out if we'd lost anyone...
I thought 12 was an important number? Jon
Yes, at a certain point today there were 12 of us. John

I wonder why you have Stag do's and Hen do's... Shouldn't it be Stag do's and Doe do's. Oh, that's why!! Dad

My manager: We're going to have a rotating chair for our team meetings...
Samia: I already have a rotating chair (spins round)

His prestidigitation amazed me so much I was disconbobbulated! Dad (very pleased with himself after getting his 2 words of the week into the same sentence...)

Can we have some peas please Louise! Laura and Gav

Can we have some cheese please Louise! Laura and Gav

More food should be eaten off of ironing boards! Mitch

Events 37 - 41: A vast improvement on the service station

So, there's nothing wrong with service stations. They can be very handy at times. And they've meant we could at least see each other a little more regularly than the Cambridge to Hull journey would allow. We've actually managed at least 5 different ones in as many months and have both re-visited Grantham on separate occasions to marvel at where it all began (thankfully things have improved since the awkward silence over costa coffee). I have to give him credit - the lad's seriously upped his game.

An open-air Doves concert... 9/10
(Initiative and consideration demonstrated; an excellent evening. Follow up bonus points for sending me the album for the support act we both loved)

Dinner out at a very nice restaurant in Grasmere... 7/10
(Easy but effective. Very nice shirt)

Late night curry in Hull... 7/10
(Quick thinking when the restaurant of choice was full. Very tasty)

A surprise day trip to Pleasure Island... 8/10
(Very well planned day, thought of everything. Extra points for trip over the Humber Bridge. Not sure how he managed to convince everyone else to stay away so we didn't have to queue, but very nicely done. Shame about the rain.)

Trip to the cinema... 7/10
(No points for originality but it was a good film.)

Spontaneous walk through a field... 6/10
(Thanks for taking me with you! Points knocked off for there not being a bench half way for a rest)

Once upon a time

Annually
Monthly
Weekly
Daily
Hourly...

Minutely???

Event 36: In which I caught up with the news on the street

I don't go back home to visit my parents that often. Maybe once every couple of months usually. But this month I get to see them three times. Well, not actually visit to spend time with them, more like use them as a hotel...

Visit number 1 of the month was for Aimee's hen do. And whilst I was there, I made sure I caught up on what's been happening in the street my parents have lived in for the last 20 years.

• Dominic has finally moved out of his parents' house at the bottom of the road.
• There's building works at Rachel's house.
  
• Alfrieda's house has been bought by the man who runs the George and Dragon.
• Mr Seven at number 6 has had to leave, after 40 happy years there.
  
• Number 22 is having an extension.

Event 35: In which my name was changed

Following the ever-so romantic date #1 and a wonderfully sunny afternoon in Stamford, we decided that if the relationship was ever going to go anywhere we really needed to spend more than 8 hours together in 5 weeks. And as nice as the A1 is, sometimes it can't quite provide everything you're looking for.

So after the slower than walking pace bus journey to the station and the delights of the book-online-collect-your-tickets-at-the-station-it's-easy-machine I just about squeezed onto the train with the million other people who had also thought it a good idea to go away for the bank holiday at the start of half term. Thankfully when I boarded my second train I discovered that Hull wasn't a popular holiday destination and enjoyed nearly a whole carriage to myself.

Three whole days! I got taken round the run route (which, we discovered, has 2 post boxes), shown the sights of Hull, had a trip out to Bishop Burton for a lovely lunch and lost badly at articulate. I stayed with the lovely Carl and Lizzie who were wonderful hosts. They put me at ease on the first night, explaining how the blood on the wall at the top of the stairs wasn't helping them sell the house, but the bodies had been well hidden so I needn't worry. We laughed a lot and bonded over chocolate brownies and dr who. And Mitch made the most fantastic paella.

And after much practising, Carl and Mitch almost always got my name right, calling me Andrea on only one occasion.

Event 34: In which I over-ceilidhed

This summer most of my friends have decided to get married. I'm not winning the most-weddings-in-one-summer competition though as several of my friends will notch up as many as 9 this year. By comparison my 6 seems rather ordinary.

Wedding no.1 went really well. Becca looked stunning. The service was great. And we managed to turn the church into a dining hall almost on schedule. Then we commandeered the CAs' trolley and set off through town to collect a million sandwiches from M&S before making our way to Wagamamas for lunch. We made it back to the church just as dinner was finishing, and there was so much pudding left we were even able to be helpful and finish some up.

With everything washed and put away, and the church transformed once more - this time into a dance hall - we were able to hang up our aprons and take our partners. The ceilidh was awesome, with much fun had by all. Though I never realised quite how many muscles you use when spinning your partner as fast as you can...


Best quote: "The system's on a tea break!"

Dom's theory of age

We were on the train back from London. We'd had rather a long day and eaten slightly too much sugar. The conversation turned to age. Becca was pleased to find she wasn't the oldest. But how could Lucy be the youngest, even though she was married? Married people are old.

After much discussion and consideration of many different factors, Dom came up with the Cambridge theory of age.

Before marriage, you are growing up;
so the taller you are, the older you are.
After marriage, you start to shrink;
so the shorter you are, the older you are.

This means that Dawn is currently the youngest, and in 4 weeks time she'll be the oldest.

Event 33: A date

Grantham North service station. It has everything going for it. Plenty of parking. Good food and drink. Beautiful scenery (if you look beyond the A1 and the neighbouring industrial estate). The sun was shining. We even found a footpath leading up a hill, but we're saving that for next time.

Housemate #3: Gav

So Housemate #1 abandoned us to go off and get married and we took the opportunity to leave the lovely but ant infested house that we had called home for the last 2 years. We joined forces with Gav to search Cambridge for the ideal place to live. Now happily installed at Rosehip, I thought I'd tell you a little about my newest housemate.

Loves: apple crumble, cactus juice, apple strudel, bike rides through the mountainous terrain of Cambridge, America, attempting to make grass grow on our lawn, providing orphanages for Africa, DIY, cooking exotic dishes from far flung places

Hates: processed foods, people who 'spoil' apple crumble with custard, mess, rusty cars, nicknames (especially "gav-dog")

Good for: washing up, ironing, cleaning, putting up pictures, changing light bulbs, building shelves to fit the shape of the room, fixing the door bell, mowing the lawn, sorting out bills, living room big screen cinema-style film watching, making amazing apple crumble

Fancy dress party

There aren't many things I come across that I just have to share. But I have found a list of fancy dress ideas for bible characters (don't ask!) that is hilarious. The helpful comments in brackets are just genious.

These are my favourites:

• Bathsheba (wear a shower cap)
• Cow (fat cow or skinny cow)
• Delilah (bring scissors)
• Esau (helps if you are a red head, hairy, strong and like meat)
• Garden of Eden (dress up like a walking garden)
• Jacob (walk with a limp, bring vegetables, maybe a ladder)
• Job (look inflicted with disease but really happy)
• Jonah (look wet)
• Leperous person (needs lots of body makeup)
• Locusts (plague of)
• Loaf of bread
• Nathan (bring bow and arrows, find a David at the party and hang out with him all night)
• Olive tree
• Pharoah (look plagued)
• Pillar of salt (wife of Lot, perhaps paint all grey stand still like statue)
• Salt (be like salt)
• One of the Three Wisemen (or all three if you go with some friends)
• A whale

Event 32: introducing the family to settlers

Our family love playing games. Every time we're all together we try and fit a game in. A few of our favourites are Blockus, Kitty Nap and Scrabble. But we're always open to new suggestions.

Having learnt to play Settlers of Catan with friends, and loving it so much I got my own set for my birthday, I thought I might bring it home for a family game session. It went down well, with much hilarity along the way (I do come from a madhouse...).

SHEEP!! All

I get a sheep do I?? Dad

Laura: you get to take one of Dad's cards
Mum: tries to take Dad's knight card

We're going for longest road are we?? Dad (as he builds his road across the table...)

I can't get my head around it. Mum

There's only one 2? That's halved my chances of getting it. Dad

I get to move the knight-whatsit-thingy-robber? Mum

Baaa!!

In memory of Peter Brook

I have spent far too much time on the M1 in the last 10 days. I know the 14 mile stretch of roadworks pretty well. But the journeys have been worthwhile, to get to say goodbye to and celebrate the life of Peter Brook - penine landscape artist. I am priviledged to have known him not only as an artist but also as a wonderful grandad (or PP as we knew him, as he definitely wasn't old enough to be a grandad!).

Thank you to everyone who attended the funeral. We think there were over 200 there and it meant so much to us to see everyone turn out. It was lovely to meet people from every part of his life - fellow teachers, past pupils, harriers, merrie england coffee drinkers, neighbours, the friday night gang. I know you will never forget him.

This is the poem that I read at the funeral. PP gave it to me on the back of a painting, after using one of the lines as the title.

A Little Song of Life
Lizette Woodworth Reese

Glad that I live am I;
That the sky is blue;
Glad for the country lanes,
And the fall of dew.

After the sun, the rain;
After the rain, the sun;
This is the way of life,
Till the work be done.

All that we need to do,
Be we low or high,
Is see that we grow,
Nearer the sky.

Peter Brook Art
Halifax Examiner obituary
Brighouse Echo article

Event 31: Twenty past seven and twenty eight degrees

I flew. For the first time since I was too young to remember I went on a proper foreign holiday. My lovely friends organised and booked a villa and flights and transfers and went through the laborious process of explaining how airports work, how to change currency and what I could and couldn't pack in my hand luggage. Thanks to the amazing patience of Lou-ster, Hannah (nicknamed Andy half way through the holiday - there is logic but I defy you to find it!), Jamesy and Badge (aka Hero) I had a wonderful holiday.

We arrived late evening on Saturday 10th October (or 7.20 as the kitchen clock liked to tell us) and it was warm (28 degrees according to the kitchen clock). I didn't need that coat and extra fleece that Lou made me bring!

We took it in turns to provide entertainment. On the first night (at 7.20 by the kitchen clock) Lou treated us to the 'how to undo the lock on the suitcase if you can't remember the code' puzzle, where we went through every possible combination of 3 numbers to find the right one. Then there was the standing on the lilo game, the 'who can get the best tan competition' and the bat and ball championships (won by James and Lou with some ridiculous score over 300 - my personal best was a shameful 45, I just didn't put the practice hours in). We also laughed at Lou-ster hiccoughing, got beaten by the waves, ate icecream (or in Hannah's case dripped and wiped it across herself, her towel and half the beach - those feasts are tricky little things to eat), investigated private beaches by scrambling over rocks and spent hours poking charcoal whilst waiting for various food items to become edible.

I learnt 3 important words in Portugese, essential for survival - Obrigado (thank you), Saida (exit) and Morango (strawberry, you may laugh but it's vital for the acquisition of neccessary foodstuffs such as icecream, jam and yoghurt). But since everyone spoke english my new Portugese phrasebook sadly got little use.

The most exciting thing was that I got to have my birthday on holiday. At 7.20 by the kitchen clock I got up and went outside (into the 28 degree sunshine) to find banners, balloons and a birthday breakfast complete with party hats. Birthdays with Lou-ster are always fun, but even more so when on holiday. They had spent ages de-seeding grapes for the fruit salad, bought the best croisants outside France and we even had jam (morango flavour of course). We then played 101 things to do with a party hat and Badge even had a version of happy birthday in his notoriously poor selection of music on his ipod. Super.

But sadly it all had to come to an end. At 7.20 and 28 degrees by the kitchen clock, we sleepily piled into the taxi back to the airport, where Lou-ster's bag got searched because of a particularly dodgy looking book, and boarded our plane. Back to the freezing, wet place we like to call home.

The ants have won the war

I give up. The ants win. White flags (and a removal lorry please).

After a period of absence where we mistakenly thought the ant baits had finally taken effect, the ants mounted their most viscious attack to date. Their weapon: sheer numbers. The troops marched in overnight and by morning they were 10 per square inch across every visible surface in one quarter of the kitchen. Word had got round that the scum on our cupboards was particularly tasty and in they swarmed. The several hundred I killed had little effect and just left anty-antibacterial spray dripping off the bottom of the cupboards.

24 hours later, after I had resigned myself to letting the ants have the kitchen, they had vanished. Not a trace. Every morning I expected to see them when I reached sleepily for my branflakes, but nothing. Completely fooled. They weren't gone, they were regrouping. Feasting on the proceeds of the last raid, they were building up the troops ready for the return attack (strangely on the opposite side of the kitchen).

That's it, I've had enough. We may have won the majority of the battles, but the ants have most certainly won the war.

Event 30: In search of a 10mm spanner

Flat battery. Jump start. Halfords to check the battery. Battery recharger purchased. Car home again.

"You just need a 10mm spanner to undo these four bolts and then the battery can be recharged at home..." Easy, right?

I was hoping to borrow a spanner and get a free boy, but sadly that offer wasn't on this week and Housemate #2 and I had to make do with just the spanner. A bit of fiddling and a few sparks later, the incredibly heavy battery was set free and sat recharging happily in our dining room.

11pm Thursday evening we set out with the spanner, 3 torches, kitchen roll (you learn from your mistakes) and the incredibly heavy battery. By nothing less than a miracle I had managed to park under a street light and we soon hooked up a torch to the bonnet for a bit of extra light and quickly got the battery reinstalled.

The car started first time (although I did hesitantly try the central locking out first in case of minor explosion...) and has successfully driven 100 miles to my parents' house. If we don't manage to get jobs this autumn, I think we've just found an alternative career!

Event 29: The well travelled pears

- Manchester - Hull - Huddersfield - York - Bradford - Leeds -

Mr 'lucky' Drake and I went on a tour of the industrial north. Good job we like driving. In summary, the north is sunny but has lots of traffic jams and too many motorways. And I really must stress that raisins are not at all like grapes.

First stop: Manchester
We discovered that lots of places that we didn't think were real places are actually in Manchester (e.g. eccles). It was great to see Chris and Alice and Chris's mood lamp (that he built from scratch and programmed to change colour according to what music is played through his computer...) and we had a lovely meal out. Meal no. 1. It only took Ed and I about 40 minutes to navigate the short journey to the holiday inn we were booked into, via a short trip on an unexpected motorway that crept up on us. I also got chance to catch up with Nicola and her new husband (very good at DIY, which is handy for when Nicola pulls the doorframes off by doing chin ups...) before joining the geeks for an afternoon at Heaton Park beginning with meal no. 2. Ed managed to polish off steak pie and chips, despite only finishing a huge cooked breakfast only an hour before. We declined the icecream experience though - we were unsure whether you actually got an icecream, or just got to experience it for a short while.

"It's a rare Mancunian mooing peakcock!" Ed

Second stop: Hull
We were told to visit Beverley instead. Apparently it is much nicer. But not much good when Andy lives in Hull. Nice bridge though. We got a trip round Morrissons and discovered that everything is much cheaper in the north. Meal no. 3 was an unexpectedly nice dinner at the hotel we were staying in. Meal no. 4 was a pub lunch. Doing well so far. Also had our first icecream (without experience) - it is important to make sure you get enough icecream in for it to count as a holiday.

"It's odd how yoghurt and washing powder have the same bio/non-bio distinction... does that mean you can use them interchangeably?!" Ed

"It was waiting for you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" Ed

Third stop: Huddersfield
I know, I know, we visited them in the wrong order. Enough people have pointed that out to us, but our inconsiderate friends were just not free at the right times... I turned into 119 Woodhouse Lane first time which really annoyed my dad when I told him as it took him 25 years to do that. Grandparents were well and treated us to some amazing fish and chips (meal no. 5). I knew it was worth going up north. I also managed to squeeze in some sticky toffee pudding, (just to make my brother jealous that he was missing out) but Ed's mistake of Sunday lunch for meal no.4 meant that he fell at the pudding hurdle. We stayed the night at the Honley Hotel and enjoyed spending time with my aunt and uncle.

Fourth stop: York
We headed to York for meal no. 6 and ate it sat on wet chairs (Ed's choice). Had a wander through the little streets and the market and, importantly, another icecream. Then we climbed the steps up to the city wall and walked round, stopping for a rest half way to sit and read some of Ed's purchases from the secondhand bookshop. York really is a lovely city. We even found where we parked the car (couldn't get it out the space mind, but at least we found it!).

Fifth stop: Bradford and Leeds
Ruth is an engineer. She specialises in sewage and on the day we were visiting she happened to be working at a site in Bradford that had just suffered a bit of a leak. Nice. We had been warned that it was a little tricky to find, but were assured that it was signed from the main road. After the 8th trip up and down the A658 we did begin to doubt this though... Had to use telecommunications with someone on google maps as a sort of not-quite-so-good sat nav. (the sign was in the hedge...). Headed to Leeds for meal no. 7 - I really was craving vegetables by this point - and a quick look at Ruth's lovely flat before finding the Travelodge more by accident than anything.

"A large pipe that leaked, or a pipe that leaked largely?... Oh, so it was a large large pipe leak!" Ed

And that was it. We were back in the car and didn't even have time to finish the bag of jelly beans before we were home. I doubled the number of motorways that I have driven on (previously only having done 1 junction on the M1 and 1 junction on the M40 - it didn't quite prepare me for the M62!) and ate about a month's worth of food. All in all, quite a successful trip.

Next stop, Durban!

Event 28: "You have reached your destination"

I went to Manchester for a friend's wedding last weekend. Wedding's are usually good, but this one was particularly good. We got sausage sandwiches, hob nobs, haribo and Christmas dinner. I got to catch up with lots of old uni friends and camp friends. And best of all, I got to meet the husband of one of my best friends and find out just what a lovely man she had chosen to marry.

Manchester is quite a long way from Cambridge. Fact. This meant a very early start. I travelled with some very funny (as in 'ha ha' not strange) friends from church which made the journey so much nicer. We had breakfast half way and we even arrived early enough to sit in the car and taken online autism tests before we needed to get changed and go in. Anna is very autistic. Susan is not.

Good service. Great reception. We waved off the happy couple and hopped back in the car, ready for the 10 min drive out to the place we were staying. Sat nav wasn't playing game. Apparently it couldn't find any satellites. But no worries, Richard soon had Susan's phone on and was trying to work out how to use the GPS function. That proved a little tricky, but no worries, Richard's phone soon brought up google maps. Meanwhile, I got a map out of the boot...

We eventually worked out where we were and where we were going and how to get from one to the other. Sat nav woke up (found that elusive satellite) and Ken was soon telling us to "turn left in 300 yards." A few tricky junctions later and sat nav announced that we had reached our destination. We hadn't. Centre of Manchester, late at night, we pulled into a garage to find some youths kicking a football and a family, with some children that really should have been in bed, buying a late night snack. A phonecall and several trips up and down the same road later, we pulled into an unlit residential area with glass all over the floor. We feared that might be the last we saw of the car.

The place was actually ok. We had a good night's sleep, made the most of the all you can eat breakfast (Richard won, having cereal, orange juice, apple juice, 2 slices of toast, 3 croisants and a coffee) and there wasn't even a scratch on the car. And we made it home safely, despite an unprovoked attack from a low flying suicidal pigeon.

I learnt a lot about my travelling companions during the weekend. Susan is good at driving round difficult junctions, staying calm in the face of misplaced pigeons and eats an awful lot of nutrigrain bars. Anna is 80% autistic, which is no bad thing (it can come in useful when you need to know the postcodes of several destinations), and can explain the science behind traffic jams. And Richard can eat an incredible amount of breakfast for his size.